theTomWeekly.com - ALL SERIOUSNESS ASIDE - Poor Richard Simmons' Almanac

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Don't drink OR drive. (Rob's Amish T-shirt)

If you drop a glove in the mud, the mud doesn't get glovey. (J. Blough)

I like my women like I like my logarithms: complicated and converted to base 10. (Henry Briggs)

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try. (Homer Simpson)

Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed

in business. (Mr. Burns)

I say tomato, you say cây cà chua. (thanks to Good Morning, Vietnam)

I say torture, you say enhanced interrogation techniques.

Let's call the whole administration off.

So this family walks into a talent agency . . .

Is the Pope a Catholic? Will a hermaphrodite meet you halfway? (Public Domain)

When life gives you lemons, get some tequila to go with it. (Anonymous)

Those who fail to learn from redundancy are doomed to repeat it, again. (Carlos "RE" Santayana)

If you come to a fork in the road, take it. (Yogi Berra)

A journey of a thousand miles--is a long frickin' ways. (Confucius' 'ner-do-well cousin, Confabulacius)

SKATER TRUCKER'S LAMENT: F I Can't C U, it's I C U 4 U.

CIGARETTES: A nicotine delivery system. FOX NEWS: A logical fallacy delivery system.

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